Divorce FAQ

Divorce frequently asked questions

 O1. How does the divorce process start?

The divorce process involves up to three separate elements:

• the divorce itself – the ending of your marriage
• agreement on the financial arrangements, such as how your assets will be divided and whether any maintenance will be payable
• agreement on the arrangements for looking after any dependent children

At the first meeting, your lawyer is required by a code called the Family Law Protocol to consider several issues and may need to discuss some of them with you. These include, amongst other elements:

• the prospects of reconciliation
• possible referral to a family mediation service
• whether there is a danger of children being taken abroad
• the possibility that there has been abuse
• whether there is a need to limit access to joint bank accounts and credit cards
• the need to register rights of occupation of the family home at the Land Registry

How to get divorced

There are four key stages in the divorce process.

These are as follows:

1. Complete a divorce application as either a sole applicate or as a couple, as joint applicants (Form D8)
2. Submit the application to a divorce centre online with the correct court fee – currently £593
3. Apply for a Conditional order (once the application is acknowledged by your spouse and after a 20-week cooling-off period). NB. A recent court case reported in May 2023 has decided that the mandatory time frame of 20 weeks can be reduced if there is real urgency such as life limiting health issues , where the period was reduced to 10 weeks-Section1(8) Matrimonial Causes Act
4. Apply for a Final Order (6 weeks after you have the conditional order)

However, the act of divorce itself does not end the financial relationship between you and your partner.

To separate your finances, you must reach a financial settlement, a legally binding decision on how assets and wealth will be split now that the marriage has ended.

Arrangements for children will need to be made if required, but these are also dealt with separately from the divorce.

A step by step guide to getting a divorce

Whilst we always highly recommend that you seek legal advice to protect yourself and your family, here’s a step by step guide about how to get divorced.

This step by step guide shows you the process of divorce in England and Wales (there are different divorce laws in Scotland and Northern Ireland).

2. How long will a divorce take?

All in all, the process could take around six-eight months to complete – provided both parties do everything required at the earliest opportunity.

Delays by either side and disagreements over financial issues are common factors that slow progress, making the process take longer. If both parties cannot agree, or there are delays returning paperwork, then this can extend the time and increase costs.

One thing to be aware of when applying for the Final Order is that, once it is pronounced, you are no longer husband or wife. Should one of you die and the financial issues have not been resolved, then you may not be entitled to any widow’s benefits from pensions or life policies. It is always prudent therefore to have considered the financial issues before you decide to apply for a Final Order.

3. How can I get more information about getting a divorce in the UK?

CALL RICHARD BUXTON LLB MSoM a Mediator and Lawyer with over 45+ years experience and twice divorced and a father of 3 for great value for money, practical advice and help.

4. How long do I need to have been married before I can get divorced?

You must have been married for at least one year before you can get divorced.

If your marriage breaks down before you have been married for a year, you may want to separate and agree financial arrangements and who will look after any children before you apply for divorce.

5. Do we have to try mediation or counselling before applying for a divorce?

Divorcing couples are usually expected to consider mediation before starting court proceedings. This involves having a ‘Mediation information and assessment meeting’ (MIAM) to help you understand and consider the process.

You are not legally required to try mediation or counselling, but they do offer significant advantages.

Counselling services tend to focus on the emotional side of the break-up and can be particularly useful if only one partner wants to get divorced. By helping you to understand each other’s feelings, counselling may take some hostility out of the break-up, making it easier to negotiate an agreement. In some cases, by identifying the underlying problems, counselling may encourage you both to give the marriage a second chance.

Mediation involves a skilled family mediator helping you and your spouse to negotiate an agreement on issues such as financial arrangements and childcare. A skilled family mediator can help you to work together to reach an agreement that you each feel is fair. This may provide a less confrontational approach than communicating through your solicitors from the outset and can help to reduce your costs.

6. Do I have to use a lawyer to get divorced?

If the divorce involves children, or a significant amount of money or other assets, you are strongly advised to use a lawyer. They can:

• advise you on what your rights are and what would be a reasonable financial settlement
• help you negotiate agreement on financial arrangements and how any children will be looked after
• make sure that court documents are correctly completed and filed on time. Although your lawyer can advise you, it is still up to you to choose how to use the lawyer. For example, you and your spouse might try to reach a preliminary agreement between yourselves or use a mediation service

Because a lawyer cannot act for both spouses, you should each have your own lawyer. Because of the extremely high fees charged by solicitors, many clients are now either acting for themselves or using online websites and lawyers who are not practising solicitors to help and advise them.  I am now also offering a “one couple one lawyer” service: an arrangement that’s been successful in Europe for many years.

7. What information will my lawyer need to help me get divorced?

Your lawyer needs to understand the background to the divorce, what financial assets are involved and whether there are any children to be considered. The information you provide should include:

• which of you will be applying for the divorce and whether you have both agreed that you should divorce? And if so, will it be a joint application?
• you and your spouse’s major assets (savings, pensions, houses etc)
• you and your spouse’s income and outgoings
• details of any dependent children under the age of 18 and still in full time education, or with special needs

The more information you can provide, the easier it is for your lawyer to understand the circumstances and to advise you. Your lawyer can ask your spouse’s lawyer to provide details of any important information you cannot provide, but this will tend to increase delays and costs.

At the same time as providing your lawyer with this background information, you should also let your lawyer know what your major goals are. For example, ensuring that the children stay with you (or that you have reasonable contact with them), staying in the family home and so on.

8. Do I have to go to court in person to get divorced?

If you and your spouse both agree to get divorced and can reach a reasonable agreement between yourselves on finances and looking after any dependent children, you should be able to get divorced without going to court in person.

9. What happens if my spouse refuses to get divorced?

Defending a divorce is not common. What is more common is for an aggrieved spouse to make the process of getting divorced more difficult, expensive and drawn out. For example:

• Your spouse may fail to respond to court documents, delaying the process and increasing your costs
• Your spouse may state that he or she intends to contest the divorce, which delays proceedings even if ultimately the divorce is not contested

  e.g. on the grounds of jurisdiction or validity of marriage. It is no longer possible to “defend” a divorce-from 6 April 2022 we  have “No fault divorce”

• Negotiations on childcare and financial arrangements can be drawn out, particularly if every point has to be argued out through your solicitors
• Your spouse may ask the court to intervene in deciding financial and childcare arrangements. In some cases, it may not be possible to finalise the divorce until these have been agreed

10. If we change our minds, can we stop the divorce going through?

In the eyes of the law you are still married up until the moment when the Final Order is pronounced, finalising the divorce. The applicant can stop the divorce proceedings at any point prior to that.

11. How much is getting divorced likely to cost?

The divorce process can involve up to three separate elements:

• the divorce itself – i.e. the ending of the marriage
• agreement on the financial arrangements, such as how your assets will be divided and whether any maintenance will be payable
• agreement on the arrangements for looking after any dependent children.

The costs of the divorce itself includes court fees and any lawyer charges.

It may be possible to obtain exemption from court fees if you are on a low income.

In a straightforward case where the divorce is not contested, our charges are likely to be in the region of £1000 plus court fees. You can negotiate how these costs are shared between you as part of any financial settlement.

In addition, your lawyer will advise you on negotiating financial terms and arrangements for your children. The more involvement your lawyers have in such negotiations, the more those additional costs will increase. If you cannot negotiate an agreement yourselves and have to ask the court to make rulings, costs will rise. Protracted disputes can result in very substantial costs.

It’s not possible to state in general terms how much these costs are likely to be as they will depend on the circumstances of your case. However, your lawyer will give you an indication of the likely costs once they understand your circumstances, and they may be able to offer a fixed-price service if the divorce is likely to be straightforward.

12. Can either of us get legal aid to pay for our lawyers in a divorce?

Save for a small number of cases, including where domestic violence has been a significant feature, legal aid is not available for divorce and family cases.

13. Do we have to agree what will be happening to our children before the divorce can go through?

You do not have to reach a final agreement before you can be divorced. But, in practical terms, you will need to sort out what is going to happen once you and your ex-spouse live in separate homes. The longer you leave it to reach an agreement, the more likely it is that the court will have to become involved.

14. What if my spouse is being completely unreasonable during divorce negotiations?

If you are still on speaking terms, try to remain calm and sympathetic. If you can, make sure your spouse realises that the longer negotiations continue, the higher your costs will be and the less money you’ll both have at the end.

If you have children, bitter negotiations will also have a significant impact on them.

Although you may feel your spouse is being unreasonable, you should try to reach agreement without involving the court (and incurring added court costs).

At this stage, an experienced family mediator will be invaluable.

However, if you do have to apply to the court, the court will set the timetable from that point onwards. This may help your spouse to focus on the issue at hand.

15. What can I do to stop things turning nasty while we are negotiating the divorce?

Unsurprisingly, divorce negotiations often become adversarial, particularly if one spouse feels wronged or betrayed. If you are instigating the divorce – maybe because you have fallen in love with someone else – you may want to consider counselling.

Even if you have made up your mind to get divorced, counselling – and the passage of time – can help your spouse to come to terms with what is happening.

Similarly, it is a good idea to try to negotiate a preliminary agreement on how finances will be dealt with, and what arrangements you will make for your children.

You may want to investigate using some form of mediation to help with this. Simply handing things over to your solicitors before you have agreed anything can increase the likelihood that negotiations will be difficult and protracted.

As far as possible, you should consider discussing what is going to happen next with your spouse. You can also try to negotiate the wording of any documents you are going to file with the court so it’s mutually acceptable.

16. The divorce is my spouse’s fault and I want revenge. How can I make things as difficult and painful as possible?

Divorce proceedings are generally traumatic and expensive enough without trying to make them worse, so a responsible lawyer will not deliberately aggravate what is already a difficult situation. Unfortunately, there are still far too many Rottweiler-style solicitors in the marketplace intent on exploiting divorcing couples for financial gain.

It is eminently sensible for people going through a divorce to choose a lawyer who is a member of Resolution and committed to a collaborative approach. I have been a member of Resolution for many years.

Making things difficult can also result in costs out of all proportion to the financial assets involved. It may also distress you – and your children – as much as your spouse.

You should be aware that if your unreasonable behaviour results in increased court costs and legal fees, the court could require you to pay both your own and your spouse’s costs.

17. If I leave the family home during divorce negotiations, can I get back in?

While you remain married, the family home is a matrimonial asset and you are entitled to enter it.

Of course, there could be practical difficulties if, for example, your spouse decides to change the locks, so it makes sense to make sure you take any important documents, clothing and so on with you if you leave.

18. If I leave the family home during divorce negotiations, will this put me in a weaker position?

Leaving the home should not prejudice any final settlement.

However it could put you in a weaker negotiating position if it undermines your financial situation; for example, if you have difficulty paying the rent in your new accommodation and therefore want to negotiate the sale of the house as soon as possible.

19. When am I officially divorced and is there an official record of it?

You are officially divorced once the Final Order is granted. The grant of the decree is officially recorded in the family court where the divorce was granted and in the Principal Registry of the Family Division of the courts in London. You are then each sent a copy.

20. Who do I have to notify that I am divorced and what documents will they want to see?

You will need to notify anyone who needs to know about your marital status. For example:

• You should notify your employer, particularly if you have any health benefits, pension scheme or other employment related benefits which may be affected
• If you are receiving benefits, you should notify the Department for Work and Pensions. (In fact, you may need to notify them earlier if you separate, as this can affect some benefits.)
• If you have joint arrangements – such as joint bank accounts or memberships – you should inform the organisation concerned. (Again, you may have already taken steps such as cancelling any joint credit cards.)
• A woman who wishes to revert to her maiden name (or a previous married name) should notify organisations such as banks and government departments
• You should conduct a financial audit to ensure any insurance or other policies have the correct beneficiaries
• You should consider making an up-to-date will if you have not already done so

A copy of the Final Order (or in some cases, the original certificate) is generally all the documentary evidence that you need to provide.

21. Which courts deal with divorce?

Divorce and other family law disputes are dealt with by the Family Court.

Routine aspects of divorce such as uncontested divorces are dealt with in regional divorce centres. Contested divorces and cases where a hearing is needed are often dealt with at a more local Family Court.

You can find your local Family Court here.

22. We are foreign nationals and got married overseas – can we get divorced in England?

You can get divorced in England if at least one of you has been habitually resident in England for the year leading up to the date when you file for divorce.

You can also get divorced in England if one or both of you are ‘domiciled’ in England, even if you are not resident here. For example, an English expatriate working overseas will usually continue to be domiciled in England if (s)he intends to return here rather than emigrating permanently.

It is important to be aware that you or your spouse may be entitled to file for divorce in another country – such as your home country – as well. There may be advantages to one or other of you for the divorce to be handled in a particular country, so you should take advice early in the process.

23. How can I keep divorce costs down?

There are ways to keep the cost of divorce down. The first step is to find a lawyer like me who has low fixed fees and significant experience.

Wherever possible, I will advise you to complete part of the process yourself with my professional guidance.

If the process is too stressful for you to handle – don’t worry. It’s all too common for simple tasks to feel impossible when you are anxious or worried. I will willingly do for you what you don’t want to or can’t do – but if I can save you money, I will suggest it.

24. How long does the court take to serve divorce documentation?

The court will normally serve divorce documentation to the other party within 2 weeks and its receipt needs to be acknowledged by them.